I am feeling low today.. it's been building up. My 39th birthday is tomorrow. 1 year short of 40. I KNOW how a 30 something should look like & things she can get away with, like wearing skinny jeans - but I'm not sure about the 40s. Its an area totally alien to me. Can a 40 yr old still get away with wearing skinnies & flats without looking like she's trying too much?
I've always been more young than old - finding the company of younger people(or at least people who act young) easier than older ones. I enjoy Roald Dahl's children stories more than I do his dark wicked adult humour. I like Roxy t-shirts on lazy days out.
But I also remember a time not too long ago when I was eager to grow up, wear makeup & power suits and prove myself to the world. At 18, I was more 30. Unfortunately, my mind is still there - stuck at 30. It doesn't want to get older.
What am I afraid of? A youth lost? The lost of being "cool"?
Actually the more I think about it, I think I am more afraid of not being able to be "me". The youthful 30-something crazy person who can still chat about twilight, likes the sea, likes to laugh, follows celebrity gossip (while not owning up to it), loves shopping (but not malls), likes experimenting and LOVES to talk.
I've asked my partner & best friend to tell me when my dressing is no longer appropriate, my behaviour childish. But I don't ever want to catch myself like that.
So tell me how do you act in your 4th decade? If the question is so absurd, so silly - why does it bother me so much.
Just one year to go.
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